How Do I Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

The Unexpected Connection

There must be a reason why one person has become so important that it feels like every song on Spotify is dedicated to them. The thrill of hearing the notification bell because you know it's a text from them is unmistakable.

The Romantic Introvert

He was someone you might call a "romantic man." Initially introverted and shy, he fit the saying, "still waters run deep." Though he struggled to express his feelings, his loyalty and romantic nature were undeniable. The moment he met Rev at his friend's gathering during a Christmas vacation, he felt a strong connection.

The Woman Who Lit Up His World

Rev was a woman with a unique style and sparkling eyes, exuding intelligence and warmth. Her smile seemed to brighten his entire world, and her graceful posture left a lasting impression on him. It was clear that she made a powerful impact.

A Friend’s Intervention

He confided in his best friend about his growing feelings for Rev. Fortunately, his friend knew someone who worked in the same office as Rev. Thanks to his friend's girlfriend, they arranged a formal coffee meeting, which became the catalyst for their ongoing conversations.

Discovering Her Relationship Status

Their initial meetings went well, and they began chatting on Snapchat. They even had dinner together, but after four days of getting to know each other, he found out that Rev was already in a long-distance relationship.

There were two reasons he hadn't noticed any signs of her being taken—like frequent phone calls or visible romantic gestures:

1. He Was Blindly in Love: His infatuation with her blinded him to the obvious signs.
2. Her Private Nature: Women often keep their personal lives private when meeting someone new.

The Shift in Communication

Two weeks later, he couldn't stop thinking about Rev. It was as if he had written an entire book in his mind about their moments together. However, he noticed her responses had slowed down, and she seemed less available.

He started to wonder if she was busy or if there was something else going on. This uncertainty led him to question the stories he'd created in his head. Was she distancing herself, or was it just his imagination?

These doubts marked a turning point in their relationship, leaving him to ponder what went wrong.

The Mental Toll of Obsession

His thoughts about Rev became all-consuming, affecting his daily life and happiness. This feeling of obsession is not uncommon; many of us have experienced an infatuation that disrupts our routine and emotional well-being. So, how do we get caught in this cycle of obsession, and more importantly, how do we break free from it?

The Science Behind Obsession

What drives this intense focus on someone? Let's explore the science behind it. You might remember the midbrain from high school biology. Within the midbrain, there's a region called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which contains dopaminergic neurons that release dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and reward.

In this case, the first encounter with Rev triggered dopamine release in his brain, creating a sense of euphoria. Each subsequent interaction with her increased dopamine levels, providing a strong sense of pleasure. This pleasurable sensation can be highly addictive, leading to a cycle of wanting to experience that feeling again and again.

The human brain has an excellent memory for rewarding experiences. This ability to recall positive emotions can drive obsessive behavior, as the individual seeks to recreate the joy and happiness they felt in the initial encounter. This need to talk to, see, or meet the person repeatedly can become overpowering.

The Role of Emotions in Obsession

Beyond the chemical response, emotions play a significant role in fueling obsession. Humans are emotional beings, and our connections with others often hinge on the intensity of these feelings. When we meet someone who evokes strong emotions, it can create a powerful bond that can be difficult to break.

Recognizing the science behind obsession can be the first step toward understanding and ultimately overcoming it. If left unchecked, obsession can lead to unhealthy patterns of behavior that affect our well-being and relationships. Identifying these patterns and learning to manage them is key to regaining balance and finding peace of mind.

Understanding His Obsession

In this scenario, the individual is an introvert who naturally develops strong emotional connections. The more he interacted with her, the more emotionally attached he became. His happiness and joy when in her presence became addictive, fueling his desire to maintain an emotional bond. Even though he was shy, the intensity of his feelings for her was overwhelming.

As their conversations grew, so did his infatuation, leading to an increasing obsession with being near her. Over time, his obsession grew because of how deeply he felt about her.

Breaking the Obsession: A Step-by-Step Approach

To break the cycle of obsession, these steps can be taken:

Step 1: Cut Off Communication Since she is already in a relationship, it's essential to establish boundaries. He should stop communicating with her on social media and avoid following her posts and photos. Continuing to talk to her or stalk her online will only deepen his obsession, making it harder to move on.

Step 2: Recognize It Was Attraction, Not Love It's crucial to differentiate between attraction and true love. The initial feelings he had for her were likely based on appearance and the excitement of a new connection. True love involves a deeper bond beyond physical attraction. Accepting this fact can help him move past the infatuation.

Step 3: Find Healthy Distractions To move forward, he needs to find ways to distract himself from thinking about her. This can involve engaging in activities with friends, traveling, or watching movies or series on Netflix. Taking a vacation or going on a trip with supportive friends can provide a much-needed break from obsessive thoughts and help him refocus his energy.

Moving Forward

After temporary distractions, it's time to consider finding someone new. The world is full of opportunities, and exploring dating apps or going on blind dates can help him meet new people. This is a way to create a permanent distraction and break the cycle of obsession. By finding someone else to focus on, he can redirect his emotional energy and create new pathways in his brain, leading to a healthier outlook on relationships and personal well-being.

Ultimately, breaking an obsession requires a combination of understanding, acceptance, and active steps toward moving on. While it's challenging to let go of someone who has had a significant impact, following these steps can lead to a healthier mindset and a brighter future.